Dalove's blog

From your Boo Bear...remember when you said maybe its best we kept our other relationships to ourself? Yet you went ahead and asked in spite of. I was thinking maybe I talked too much. None the less, I don't regret a thing. So many times I set back and think a lot about what ifs. All these whys and not enough answers.

    Its simple, two people that attract can't just be friends. Its next to impossible. Only way I can see it happening is if we allowed someone else to occupy that space in my heart that you have held so long. For my love for you some times seems surreal. For we have been apart longer than together, yet what we have has always remained.

So many times when I have been down just the thought of what we could have or will have has always made things so much smoother. I mean everytime I think of a future it has always been with you in it. Shoot, I never wanted to except any other path. Yet, I still have to let life takes its course.

    Lord knows I want you. I want to be that man at the alter quoting the vows and meeting all your family in Indiana. I want to piss your dad off because he can't size me up. (So I heard fathers tend to do) I want to hear you fuss about not turning the the lights off or leaving my boxers on the kitchen sink. I want to experience all the small things in life with you, Holly Noel Guynn.

    I just feel like we have a quiet lowkey relationship that you like to spark everytime you feel the need too. Then once something happens you run on into your own life and leave a brotha stuck on stupid. Ahh naw playah. I put it so blunt but thats what it is.Now after what I said about Lydia I know you still have that second guess about me. What can I say I'm human. I understand how you felt when you broke things off with me. You needed raw emotion. The intimacy and affection that I couldn't provide from a far. 

    A beautiful and strong woman like you can have any mannnnn you want. I'm sure when you go to Ivy Tech you'll find somebody that share the same morals and beliefs as you. Someone who can appreciate you for who you are as I have. For I know I will never find another Holly. You are like a needle in a haystack, but with the on going on and off and on and off and so forth...I'm tired.

    For I need a lady like yesterday. Whats to become of us....IDK. Until this point on I been kinda avoiding relationships and dating to a degree. For one I think my standards have been a bit high. I feel now that with it all, I need to step out. Waiting for a female to walk into my life seems like a fairytale now a days. I sound like a broken female waiting to be swept of my feet or some ish aye? Naw, Im just at wit ends.

Im only human and to sit up endure the hardship of being alone, makes me a dayum fool. Ahhhhh naw playah. Im sick of my current situation and I want more. I the whole being patient thingy and letting life take its course not workn for me. You do you and Im going to do me. It seems to be best at this moment. As of the other day, I see somethings are better left unsaid, but...this has to be said.

    I love you. BELIEVE IT. If you were here or I was there, I'd be trying to put a ring on your finger. I tried to make it work. Even after you in so many words...dumped me. I could put up with distance knowing that we would have something worth waiting every minute for. Im just sick of waiting around on stupid mode. Its not your fault. You didn't put a gun to my head and make me wait. For I just loved every thing about you. I just needed the Lord to send me a sign. He seemed to be cool with me waiting, but time is of essence. This is life.

    With that...stay you and and I will remain.

    Not matter what I do or where I go, when I look back its forever there. I can't hide from it for its who I am. At times it seems like a burden I don't want to bare, but none the less I am a fighter. I am a writer. I am a dancer. I will get crump on the hatefulness. I will gracefully hustle on the stupidity. I will diligently let my pen move smoothly across the page to invite the past head on. Not to disdain it or speak down upon it, but to pray for it. To pray for the future. I am a musician. Ill let my keys paint a picture on this place of which we call air. Let it resonate against the everyday struggle of my fellow brothers and sisters and I. Let it peace to you high tides, but still remind us where we have come from. Born into a society thats set up for me to fail. Its not that I don't want to succeed, but it because I lack the knowledge on how. Everyone dreams of going to college, but what does that matter if you don't make it out of highschool? So you turn to what you know. The streets. Now I can't speak for the sadly confused. The few who are fortunate. The brothahs who parents paved away so they could have a better life. Yet they feel they have to tough? The negros that have to be the hardest students in school when mommy and daddy have busted their chops just to live a middle class life. Yet they have to act "black". Stereotypical...yes, but its the life as it is. True enough poverty leads to crime, but its sad that we use that aspect of our lives to define us. I refuse. For I know that it will for ever be against me, but ya know. IM BLACK and I LOVE IT. If I have to give 110% to get to where you only had to give 75% well dammit I will. For life is a beautiful struggle. For it makes success that much sweeter. So when I ever I look back, you don't have to tell me that I'm black, I see it. I live it. I know it. I will never forget it. IM BLACK.

Wait a minute!
Take your time.
Think about...
What?
You!
Think about self.
Who are you....
What defines thee?...
Me?
Who am I?
Pshh..
I'm...
I'm ahhhhh...
I'm Nate....?
Cheaaa, Nate.
What defines me?
Easy.
The life I have lived.
Where I have come from...
Where I have come from to where I am now.
Nate.
Nate?
...but I was born Nathaniel.

Many times I sit back and try to evaluate self.
Im a happy?
Im I living in His name?
Could I do better?
Why am I here?
What my next step?
Step...
They say you must crawl before you walk.
You must 'gu gu and gah gah' before you can talk.
You must hurt before you can understand pain.
You must lose before you know what it is to gain.
...they say alot of things.
The wise listen, while the fools wait to talk...
You dont make mistakes, mistakes make you.
And so on and so on.
I like to call it wisdom.

Road signs guides us,
But knowing the path is different from following it.
God shows us the way, but its up to you to take it.
The story of my life....

So many times I try to come to grips with myself,
But so often I can't be found.
I seems like Im bound to fall back right where I started.
I work so hard to turn a new leaf.
I fight
I cry
I sweat
I push
I pull
I run
I swim
...then when I look down..
It seems I havent moved at all.
To give up is not an option.
To give in seems to often there.
To find what hasn't been found...
Seems to be a distant memory.
So I continue to lean into the wind.
Living like theres is no end.
While death lurks in the corner.
WE live to die...true enough.
How will I be remembered?
Will my good deeds speak for me?
Then again does it matter...
I mean when Im gone....
IM GONE.
Yet while Im here what will I do about.
Sometimes I feel all that I do now is my ticket.
All the ups and downs are just a big test.
A big test to see if I make it on the morning train to glory.
To see if I deserve the life we seek.
She puts it in her pocket...
He puts it in his closet...
Im too young to try to live righteous.
Im a wait til I get older.
So many people tell me Im rather young to be living the life that I do.
To chill and take it easy.
For I am not perfect and Im just lying to myself.
That God is going to forgive anyways so enjoy it while I can.
Yet, I try.
I try live by the book.
Put on my whole armor of God and fight...
and fight...
and fight...
and fight...
and what do you know...Im still fighting.
Thats when that so often is there...
"You are too young. All it is going to do is break you."
Thats when it really gets hard and I dont lean into wind no more...
I try to flow with it.
Then again...maybe being broken is what we all need.
See...that battle is not my mine alone.
It is the Lord.
This is when I look down and see that Im not where I use to be.
So many times we are lost in life and we dont want to be found.
We want to just go with the flow.
It seems so much easier.
Then many get older and realize the mistakes they made
and they change.
They turn to God.
Hmph.
Maybe I should take that road.
Just liveeeee a little bit.
Listen to the old kats and young fools...
NANNNN
I think all I have to do is pray more.
For when I do, I find myself standing some where new everytime.
Lost?....
Not so much..
Found?....
I NEVER LEFT.

What's your favorite thing about Monday?

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Im blessed that I wake up again and get to live another day, but other than that...*SMH* ITs the start of another new week. Gotta wake up and go to work. GRRRR. I like Tuesdays though. Means Monday is over!

Id pack up and say my goodbyes to family and friends.
If I could spend every min of my day with you,
Id still stop time to spend eternity.
So many people want so much...
Yet all I want is you.
With that I give you my heart.
If push comes to shove...
Dont think Id give an arm or leg for you...
For I would keep an arm and leg for myself...
And give the rest of me.
Only if I could.
I told you Id steal the sun for you if you wanted...
I gave it a little thought...
Its against mi religion. =)
Sorry.
So many of todays relationships are so pseudo its sickening.
Yet with you...
There are no buts
Its simple yet so amazing.
I love you,
You love me.
Lets make it work.
When your heart seems uncertain
and our relationship seems shady.
Have no worries love
For you are forever my lady.
So many brothers out here fighting the wrong battles in life.
I'd tuck my pride any day for you
For what good is a dead Boo Bear?
I mean who wants death by a gun or knife...
For my fight is to make you my wife.
Life guarantees us hard times and rain
I promise to always be here
Fighting together
For we are OBAMA ...shoot...
Not McCain. =D
Yet my term is till kingdom come.
When life tries to run up...
We just throw are guns up and punch it in the mouth.
For you are
The sugar to my Kool-Aid
The WD-40 to my bolts
The lemon to my lime
The hotsauce to my chicken
The Ranch to my pizza
The cookie to my cream
The fabric softener to my clothes
The remote to my tv
The extra batteries to my cd player
The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow
The sunrise to my day
You make everyday so much better
My love, mi Angel, mi reina...my all.
I love you for everything you are and everything you are not.
You're everything a man could hope for.
From your looks to your mentality back around to our morals and beliefs...
How lucky am I?
Did I mention that you are oh so beautiful...?
Well, you are BOO'TI'FUL
I cant rate you or judge your allure.
You are my neplusultra
For only others can be compared to you.
Only number you get from me is number 1 in my heart.

Whats it been...2 years?...
Mi Angel, its just the start.
I thank God for you.
A true blessing you are.
I love you.

-Your Boo Bear

What the hell do you want? To be loved? For a man to just see you for who you really are and not what you got? For you to connect with Mr. Right beyond reasonable understanding. Or do you just want a man to make you feel good? You know that guy that can do you right? When I say do you right I mean he eat, stick and bite…don’t get it twisted.  Or do you want both? Someone who can love you all day and when the time is right... fulfill your needs?  Hmmmm? Sorry…you can’t get both. Nope…it’s not happeningggggggg.  I mean if you get married and what not…maybe then, but who wants to wait thatttt long right!?

                I know it’s a few females who think they have it. Then after a few years or months they go crying to their mommy cause little Johnny or Wayne done left them. For some it last even longer. They do their thing and even go on to get married! Next thing you know…someone is filing divorce papers. Hmmmm. That’s because mommy and daddy got married under false pretences.

                I’m not saying that everyone’s love life is like that. Some relations of such has gone on past 20 years and counting, yet, how often? I mean if everyone lived the honky dory life…why people get lost in movies and books? Why are all these beautiful ladies giving up this quest for so called love? Lust vs. love…the story of our lives.

                It tickles me when some of my friends complain to me about what they man doing, but I know they are just in the wrong as he is. Woman how you expect something good to happen to you if you’re “not” doing good by your damn self? YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW.  Just because he doesn’t know or she doesn’t know don’t justify it. Then if you catch him cheating, it’s okay to for you to mess around too…you’re going to have long life thinking like that; a long life full of agony.

                At some point in your life you just give up on Mr. Right and “live”…whatever that is supposed to mean. *shrug* Then before you know it, this guy (?!?!?!?!?!?) walks in your life. So you already have your view of guys already in place…’the male= A dog, no good, swine of a being who is out to ultimately abuse and break a ladies heart.’  Yet this guy seems… different.

                You want to let this guy into your heart, but at the same time you are scared. The time you spend together seems so right. These feelings that you begin to sense are so true. When you too are together you are so happy. For once your life you think you may have found “HIM”…the one.  You are sooooo in love…then he leaves you and moves on with his life.

                (!!!!!!!!!) I figured it out! YOU’RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG. I have yet to get a handful of ladies to admit that. The few that have are still in half denial. The females always have to be right even when they lie...booboo, that’s what it is. It’s not as if we men don’t know. Some of us just choose to ignore it; we smart. ;) I personally can’t stand bull ish. If I feel you lying, we are going to have a problem. FLAT. Mostly in my case when it comes to my lady, I’ll never have that problem. Yet that next guy isn’t me.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT: If your “special someone” says we just friends after 3 or months of talking and you done kissed and all that goodness. RUN   Unless you just like that…(it explains your bad luck)

“BABY YOUUUUU GOT WHAT I NEEDDDD, BUT YOU SAY IM JUST FRIEND… “BiZ

                I’m personally done with the quest for love my damn self. I have loved enough chicks in my day. If I ever fall in love again…she’s gone be my friend. (Shai…lol) It was good while it last…I even miss it, but life moves on. You ladies just need to stay true to yourself and then only then will you find that it is that you seek. I mean most of yall do and that’s why things turn out sour. It may not be what you want in the end, but at some point and time that’s what you asked for and sought out. If you just so lost and you’re not sure what it is that you seek anymore…go to church. *shrug*

                You think love is powerful? Let me tell you about society’s best friend... lust. Its best dress up is love. :O “No he didn’t…yes I did.”

FOOD FOR THOUGHT: How does it go…if you have sex one time, you can’t stop? Now…if you think you in love and your sexually active. One day just stop having it. I know it will be hard, because by this point in the game you want it just as bad as him right? Two things will happen…

A.      It won’t last too long. He going to start getting pissed and probably accuse you of sleeping around on him. Or you going to be weak and give in because you’re so consumed in lust that love don’t really matter at this point.

B.      He will respect what it is that you do. He’ll probably turn to old faithful, his hand, or maybe he just loves you and really don’t care and is going to stick by you regardless. (!?!?!?!?) At the same time you are now questioning if he’s cheating on you. He’s getting it from somewhere right

C.      THERE IS NO ‘C’…I said TWO things!!!!! (Yes… I’m sure you do have a ‘C’)

That’s what lust will do to you. It will mess up your whole self being believe it or not. It abuses and confuses the body and soul. I know it’s hard. I struggle with the same ish.

                So many ladies always say they look for their man to make them happy. Are you not happy by yourself? When I say happy I don’t mean, giggle giggle lets party and have a jolly good time. I mean happy as an individual. Where you can look at yourself and your life and just smile. Where you can look at what you do and where you are and be proud.

                Mean while you out searching your life for Mr. Right so you can make his life a living hell? You can’t expect someone to walk in your life and just turn your life around and have you running through fields and smelling the daises. Now what if he runs out? What now?(!?!?!?!) You have to have your own life. So when you meet Mr. Right he can become a part of it, not “be” it.

                I want my lady to make me “happier”. Keyword ->HAPPIER<- I’m happy by my damn self. I know what I want out of life. You can love me for me or get the hell on. I would surely expect the same. It’s just too many “girls” in the world and not enough women.  As it are “boys” and not men. We must grow at some point in our life.

As I say again, I feel sorry for the ladies. Yet at the same time, I feel sorry for the few good fellahs on this rock. At times I feel it’s the same ish over and over, yet inspiration and helping my brotha and sistahs is what helps me wake up in the morning. Farealz. We need more strong sisters with self respect about themselves. Too many sisters out here fake about their own. Wanting one thing, but out here accepting another. One day you’ll wake and demand what’s yours. It starts with you.

 Life…IT IS WHAT IT IS

-Love-

If yall females dont shut the hell up. What yall asking for is a dumb niccah. I was born and raised in the hood and aint shi there but ignorant mofos. Wondering why yall gettn hurt so damn much...you lookn for Mr. Right in the wrong places.  Im just sayn...if you want a niccah with his pants hangn to his knees and walking around thinking he hard....have at it. You bout as dumb as he is. Sumbdy from the block locked up now tryn to be "hood". Shooting a niccah in broad day light dont make you tough. It just proves how mentally challenged you are. This not American Gangsta. Now he doing 20 plus for what? To prove a point to his boyz. The same niccahs that aint gonna write him when he locked down. NIGGGAASSS. Food for thought. Niccahs stopped acting tough and read a book or something. I been there and done that...you gonna end of dead or in jail. And if you think you gonna slang the rest of yo life, just remember, its somebody out there just as hungry as you are. The true dealers are the police anyways. NIGGAAASSSS. Ladies...my beautiful black women and my poor confused white folk...if he aint about nothing...you aint gonna be about much for long. Leave the Eminems and Tupacs alone. That shi gone. You want a real niccah...take yo azz to college and even then you cant be 2 sure, but your chances are higher. Food for thought.

I swear my mind is so gone
My thug mentality haunts my soul
How can my heart be so warm
Then in a split second so cold
Righteous I try to live
Love I try to give
Yet here I am lost in a world of sin
Constantly fighting
Never backing down
Im determined to win
The world is hot
My heart burns with fire
Rage consumes my mind
Peaceful I try to be
But I can not see
My vision is a blur
My relationships turned to shit
OH NOT HER
Too many tough guys in the world!
WTF?! Hes just a cur...
Pussy niccahs get fukd!
Times are hard...
Take a number
Get in line...
Dont complain do something about it!
Im tired of lazy niccahs.
Get job and stop depending on the mail
Lifes hell
I've fallen
He fell...
And you still sitting on yo azz
...WTF
Man you suck...
Get a job
Make a buck.
Big Brother aint gave a damn about you
Im broke is true
But damn...
You depressing me more
Your a waste of a body...
I give mo respect to a whore.
Then I look at thee...
How can I preach wen Im not far behind...
AYE?
Dammit I try.
Im going to college
You either in or out...
If not...
Go die.

(Im Not finished)

If you could create your own National Holiday, what would it be and when? 
Submitted by John M.

SLEEP DAY!!!!! YES! I love to sleep. I guess you can see that sleep day would be a day to honor all the hard working Americans who keep our economy going. You say...well they get plenty of sleep during the other holidays....NO! Some have to work on the holidays! Is that fair????!!!!  lol. Anywho... So ya, *3 cheers* for sleep day.

You see me!????
Know don't...you see what you wanna see
You dont see me!
YOU DONT FUKIN UNDERSTAND!
I AM MY OWN MAN
Nicca, I aint perfect so dont get it twisted
Jus cuz I try to live right you wanna hate on me?????
FUK YOU!
Only few kno me...
You dont KNow Nate, Dalove, Lover, Mr. Smith....
What ever da hell you wanna call me
If you knew me you wouldn't question da things I do
Im not a man cuz I dont try to bang every girl I see!!!
WHAT????!!!
NICCA GO TO CHURCH!
ITS a struggle to live right...
But youll never understand...
See you da man wit da master plan
Mister know it all and shi
ANYBODY CAN SLANG HOMEBOY
Nicca hustle in my blood
Yet...
Wen I change my life around....
You wanna call me soft????
IM DA SAME NICCA DAT YOU USE TO BANG WIT IN DA STREETS!!
I had yo back wen kno body else didnt
But since...
I wanna go to church...
Get a real job...
Go to college...
U WANNA SAY Im RUNNING OUT ON YOU???
Lets be fareal
WEN YO ASS LOCKED UP....
I AINT WRITING...
I AINT SENDING NO MONEY....
I'M NOT ACCEPTING YOU PHONE CALLS....
Y?
CUz...
Like you said.
I'm soft
I'm not a real man...
What you say?
Im gay???
FUK YOU
IF you gonna hate??
Dig your own grave and jump in it for me
I AINT PERFECT
NO ONES PERFECT
But ya know...
I'm gonna do my best
I dont need you or you or you or you or you or you or you or you
Telling me what my best is
Cuz I wanna help people out...
IM SOFT?
MAN, what ever
Naw...i aint Superman
I cant save da world
BUT I CAN HELP AS MANY PEOPLE AS I CAN WHILE IM HERE
....FLAT OUT....
>>>>>>"""DON'T HATE."""<<<<<<